I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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