New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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