I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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