Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
