you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
