I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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