But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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