3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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