I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
