I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
