I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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