turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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