That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
