I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
