Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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