Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
