whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
