I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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