Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
