he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
