you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
