Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
