If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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