I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
