I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
