The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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