i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
