Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
not ubering you a puppy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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