so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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