dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
