Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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