She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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