I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
