i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
