The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
