Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
