Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
