ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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