Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
