my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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