Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
