just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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