I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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