Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
