I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
