Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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