peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
