My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
