i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
