She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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