She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
