Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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