he told me I talked like a deaf person
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
