Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize