At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
