I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
