We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
