I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
