FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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