The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
