Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
