That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
