I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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