i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
