Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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