Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
