Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
