Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
